How to Say You're Sorry

If you’re a living, breathing human, you’ve probably made a mistake at some point in your life. And if you’re honest with yourself, you probably do it quite often (and maybe even more than you’d like to admit). 

But here’s the beautiful thing: you get to make mistakes and so do I. It’s what you do with those mistakes that makes the biggest difference of all. 

Want to know what it is? Learning how to apologize. For some of us, this comes pretty easily. We’re able to suck up our pride and seek forgiveness. And for others, it’s not so easy. 

Not too long ago, I made a mistake. It was an innocent mistake, but I still felt the weight of shame and embarrassment that came along with it. I let a friend down and the shame of realizing my mistake washed over me like a wave. I felt awful.

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m usually the common denominator and the reason for miscommunication. But feeling shame over an innocent mistake wasn’t going to fix the problem. In fact, it only makes things worse.

Shame exists for the sole purpose of keeping us stuck. It wants us to wallow in our imperfections and the mistakes that we make. But here’s the thing about mistakes: They’re universal, help us grow, and don’t define us. 

Did you get that? You are not defined by your mistakes. What defines you is how you choose to respond when you make a mistake. 

It might feel like you are your mistakes, but you’re not. It might feel like your mistakes are burned into your story like a scarlet letter, but they aren’t. We are not our mistakes, and if we stay stuck in them, we only have ourselves to blame. 

Let them go. Ask for forgiveness. Apologize where you have gotten it wrong and move forward. Carrying around the burden of past mistakes or offenses isn’t doing you any good. And it is not helping anyone else out either. 

You will feel free when you ask for forgiveness. There is power in a clean slate and taking on the responsibility for the times we have caused others pain. Each of us can experience the joy of owning and confessing our wrongs.

Now, the other may not be ready to step into forgiveness, but at least you have done everything in your power to reconcile. It takes strength to say you’re sorry, but it will free up energy previously taken by shame and regret and give you a new outlook. We can’t love others well if we can’t show humility and ask for forgiveness ourselves.

Realizing that I made a mistake with my friend gave me the opportunity to apologize and pursue forgiveness. Apologizing helped me honor her, and receiving forgiveness released me of my mistake and the shame that came along with it. 

So the next time you make a mistake, don’t be afraid to apologize. In fact, you’ll feel a lot better when you do!

What was your biggest insight?

Let me know in the comments below!